When my sisters and I were young, my mother was taking us through the grocery store. A woman comes up to her and states how impressively she is managing three little girls in a grocery store. She then continues to ask her if she has availability to watch her children as well. She thought that my mother was our nanny because my mother has blonde-white hair, blue eyes and pale skin while my sisters and I are all dark haired with darker complexions.
We attended a Japanese church growing up. This is where I met my first Hapa friends and for the first time I saw other people who were Hapa outside of our immediate family. Though there were other Hapa families, my mother was one of the only white mother of Asian children and could be spotted out of a crowd easily with her glowing blonde hair.
I was 13 years old and eating with Church friends at an event. We were served jello but my mother commented about eating jello with Chopsticks. Another lady turns to her and said, “Wow! You daughter is doing really well.” Perhaps she forgot that my dad is Japanese and didn’t realize we eat with Chopsticks all the time.
If you live in Japan for 25+ years, people assume you are an expert on Japanese culture and relations. My mom has lived in a dominantly Japanese household for that same duration yet people assume she is as white as her hair is.
A friend of mine grew up hating that his Mother was Hapa and showed much resentment in their relationship. He hated being white because he was taught that being white was something that made him less Japanese and thus lesser “one of us” in the Japanese community. The Japanese community taught us that being Japanese/Asian was supreme over being white. I can relate.
When I have children, they will not look like me either.
MyHapaLife.com 